Ep. 3 of The Modern-Day Reboot of Anne of Green Gables

Cast:

Anne Shirley — Emma Roberts

Diana Barry — Dianna Agron

Marilla Cuthbert — Julie Bowen

Matthew Cuthbert — Josh Duhamel

Gilbert Blythe — One Direction

Rachel Lynde — Felicity Huffman

ANNE

Oh, Diana, how I loathe my horrid, carroty hair.

DIANA

It’s not so bad, really! You look like the butch-voiced girl from That ’70s Show, or like the girl who replaced the other girl in Twilight.

ANNE

Diana, you know I don’t watch television. Marilla and Matthew only use it for NCIS and to watch their Monk DVDs.

DIANA

Well, I think it’s darling. If you’re determined, though, we could change it!

ANNE

Really?

(Diana produces a box of Clairol, screen fades out for commercial break)

ANNE

Oh, Diana. I look…scrumptious!

(camera pans back to reveal Anne fluffing her new, shiny brown hair, just light enough to prevent clashing with her brows)

DIANA

You do! Of course, you’ll always be a redhead to me!

ANNE

Only me, my Armenian waxer, and my anesthesiologist will know for sure!

(Marilla enters, looking stern)

MARILLA

What have you done to your hair, Anne?

ANNE

Don’t you…don’t you like it?

(Marilla smiles)

MARILLA

I just wish you’d used your own towels! I need mine for…

EVERYONE

COVERING THOSE STUBBORN GRAYS!

(laughter)

MARILLA

I just never know what madcap scrapes you’ll be up to next, Anne Shirley.

(hug, followed by montage of Anne buying and wearing numerous articles of pink clothing to the strains of Van Morrison)

THE END — FOREVER