It’s an Alien Ship, and I Am Uninterested in Your Alternate Theories

Look, it’s not necessarily, like, a Romulan bird of prey, or anything, but are we all agreed this is an alien ship next to the sun? There’s also a bad video.

You know how I know the aliens have already been here? The weak cover stories! SOLAR FLARES. WEATHER BALLOONS. “Oh, some decorated fighter pilot must have just seen the planet Venus and become confused.” “It’s a Frisbee sitting in a puddle, photographed upside down.” Does NASA share a PR person with whoever tells celebrities to claim they were asking the prostitute for directions to the Getty Museum?

No, I don’t actually think they’ve necessarily already been here. But I really, genuinely, want them to come, or for us to find them. Don’t you? At least a little? Seriously. I’m not even angling for grey humanoid types. Just four inchworm-y things in a pool of fetid green water. What matters, really, if there aren’t aliens? Does anyone think we’re going to drag ourselves off this rock before the heat-death of the universe?

While we’re on the topic of dragging ourselves off this rock, I want everyone to read Mary Roach’s Packing for Mars and William Langewiesche’s piece on the Columbia disaster. And then this completely made-up Fortean Times piece on the missing Soviet cosmonauts. And this Wikipedia entry for the dogs who have been in space.