How Not to Order a Drink, Part Seven

by Camille Santochi

Bartender: What’ll ya have?

Me: Hmmmm … I don’t knooow. All these cocktails look soooo good.

Bartender: [roll eyes, shifts weight]

Me: What’s good here?

Bartender: The Rumtastic Ruminator.

Me: Oh, I really don’t like rum. What else?

Bartender: People like the Sweet Cheeks.

Me: Yeah, I’m not into sugary drinks.

Bartender: […]

Me: I’ll just have a vodka soda. Extra lime please!

NOTE: all cocktail names were invented for the purpose of this “article.”

Previously: “Did you Google me?”

Camille Santochi is a reality television producer from Los Angeles. You can follow her on Twitter @omitofo or see where her cover band is playing next here. (For instance, they’re playing tomorrow, May 18, at the Kibitz Room [next to Canters] at 11:30 p.m. Mini-Pinup?)