Bridal Beauty: Five Things to Do to Your Face

Weddings are about love, romance, family, and the future. But to a lot of couples, they’re also about theater. You know, pomp and circumstance. (Tangent: the best The Internet can come up with for a definition of “pomp and circumstance” is “formal ceremony.” What the?) And there are cameras everywhere! If you are the type of person who thinks you always look amazing in person and in photos at the biggest, most important, booze-y parties you’ve ever hosted, you are a total jerk. Just kidding, you’re the best and apparently your parents loved you very much and correctly. None of this will be helpful for you, and in fact some of it might make you mad. Just go look in the mirror.

Psst. Okay, now that it’s just us here, guess what? We’re not even going to talk about makeup! Do what you want with your makeup. Try for a glowy, natural look with some mascara, highlighter, blush and lip gloss. Or, if you are Kandee Johnson, have a very beautiful, perfect wedding and face.

No, these are things you can do to give yourself a little boost on your special day (every day?), even if you plan to go without makeup, like a loon.

1. Get eyelash extensions.

SERIOUSLY. You will see they are the best thing that could ever happen to your face, besides highlighter. No one will be able to tell they’re glued on — including you — and you don’t even have to wear any eye makeup when you have them. You just wake up looking like a perfect Disney princess every morning. Just search around on those coupon sites like Living Social or KGB (why is it called that!?) for a 50% off deal because they are prohibitively expensive otherwise. Try to get them done about three days before the party for maximum-perfect impact. The only downside to eyelash extensions is watching them grow, and then fall, out. You will look pretty jacked up the week after your honeymoon (which might be the case even without the eyelashes), but it’s nothing a little mascara here and there on your natural, and comparatively short-as-hell, lashes can’t fix, sort of. Or you could just keep getting them done forever and ever, amen.

2. Try an airbrush tan.

Get a spray tan! Also typically on deep discount with an online coupon. Try to shoot for two days before the wedding and follow ALL the rules. They will tell you to exfoliate before coming in. Guess what? Exfoliate before going in. Also arrive with clean skin — no deodorant even! And if you feel weird about showing some stranger lady your hoo-ha, wear a string thong and have them spray over it. It’s a hot look, no joke IcantbelieveImnotpregnantrightnow. After 8 hours it’s okay to shower the guide color off. To keep your tan, the best thing you can do is moisturize. Oh, one last thing: YES, after hours of dancing in it, some of the tan will come off on the inside of your wedding dress. It won’t show on the outside. Suck it up! Or use it as the perfect excuse to have a Trash the Dress photo shoot. (I just learned of this thing!)

3. Bleach your teeth.

My personal experience as well as my dad’s, a dentist, is that Crest White Strips work super well. If you don’t have the fortitude for a week-long project, you can totally pay $300 per arch for the inpatient version that bleaches them in one sitting. Up to you, Richie Rich. Oh, and I once believed that you couldn’t bleach crowns or other dental work, but the in-office heavy-duty bleaching actually takes that stuff a few shades lighter at least temporarily. It’s kind of magical.

4. Get your eyebrows did.

Fix your brows, for once. This is actually one of the easiest ways to transform your face and make you look chipper and done up even when you’re hardly wearing any makeup.If you want to do it yourself, check this out.

5. Drink water.

This is not advice like “drink water, it’s just good.” This is advice like “tell your maid of honor she has ONE job at the reception: to be continually feeding you water.” This was the best advice I got when I was preparing for my first wedding and I nailed it! I did NOT look like a haggard old bloated, sweaty drunk in any photo, despite that being my go-to look for pretty much every other party I’ve ever been to. You should try it. Oh and, congratulations, how wonderful.

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