Beauty Q&A: ID Photos, Gaudy Shoes, and Looking 10 Years Younger

1. I’m 23, but consistently read as at least 10 years older. Not that there’s anything wrong with looking 30-something, but sometimes it’s awkward — like when people see me with my dad and assume I’m his girlfriend. My best guess as to why I look older is the thinness of my face, plus a couple small wrinkles on my forehead.

So, do you know any makeup tricks that might make me look my age? I’m a very pale redhead and my everyday make up routine is: matte liquid foundation, pink mousse blush, shimmery white powder to highlight, dark brown mascara, a little dark taupe powder in the crease of my eyelid, sometimes dark brown eyeliner on my upper lid, and a bit of berry-ish lipstick or just clear gloss. I also oil cleanse, moisturize, and use sunblock.

Guess what? People seeing you with your dad and assuming you’re his girlfriend happens even if you look 18. Actually, it started happening to me when I was 16, so … not to be ageist or anything (is it always a lie to say “not to be ___ or anything, but…?”), but can you old people stop dating teenagers so that us kids can avoid awkward chats with strangers? “Oh, yeah, no, we’re not … I’m his daughter. No, seriously! I mean, he’s a catch, but no. Stop, you’re making this weird!”

Non-makeup advice: you’re a pale-skinned redhead, and though you say you wear sunscreen now, you may be dealing with the effects of sun damage a little earlier than you expected because of exposure you got as a child. Sun damage and smoking cigarettes are the two most dramatic face-agers, aside from your dad being amazing at Halloween costumes, and meth. Don’t do meth! You could look into getting a photofacial to erase sun spots, small wrinkles, and to encourage collagen production. I know they sound scary and I am not a doctor. So, go ask a doctor about them.

[Kind of mean, but said with the best intentions!] Makeup advice: it sounds like you’re wearing old-fashioned makeup and it’s making you look out-of-touch, which is an indication that you might not be a hip 23-year-old. All brown and taupe and berry everything? Nooo! I can’t see you, so I’m not going to recommend specific colors or products, but you should go to the mall and get makeovers at a few youthful brands’ counters: Stila, Benefit, Buxom. Actually, pick whichever brand you want (except MAC — they are so heavy-handed). Say, “Hi. I think my makeup routine is a little outdated and I’d like to try some new looks. What’s cool right now?” Let them have their fun and pay close attention to everything they do. Then walk over to the Sephora and get another makeover. Repeat.

Compared to your current routine, you’ll feel like you’re wearing clown makeup at first, but

remember that your goal is to find a handful of new elements that work for you — you do NOT have to rock the entire look they give you. Go for pastels. Ask for a cat eye. Try a heavy brow. Try coral lipstick. Try orange blush. How about green eyeliner? Look at a million photos of Lily Cole. Just try some new stuff and don’t feel pressured to buy anything on the spot. You can always go back after you’ve considered your options, or take your new knowledge to the drugstore and revamp your makeup bag on the cheap.

2. Bikini waxing. It’s a pain but it’s also amazing, but it also gets expensive, and fitting in another appointment when I’m super busy is often difficult. Is there any way to do this at home effectively? I tried a microwave wax that was chaos. Was I just doing it wrong? I feel like the angles are awkward. Do hair removal creams work? The internet is full of “OMG best product ever!” vs. “OMG worst product ever I will never buy this again.” What is reality?!?

I am not going to answer your question about waxing. I f-ing HATE waxing, okay world? Maybe my pubes are more stubborn than the rest of yours or something, but seriously I’d rather die than get waxed. But! I also like a certain style down there and shaving works but isn’t ideal because you have to let it grow out enough each time and sometimes there are ingrowns. Guess what I just did, you guys? FOUND A LASER HAIR REMOVAL PLACE THAT WAS RUNNING A $60 BIKINI LINE SPECIAL AND MY LIFE HAS BEEN CHANGED FOREVER. I’ve only gone once and already, holy shit! Holy shit. They say you have to go five or six times, but the results from just the first one are so dramatic, I almost couldn’t be bothered. I’ll just shave the stragglers maybe? No, I’ll probably keep going a few more times, but think of the savings over your lifetime. Even if it’s $100–150 a session, that’s a dozen packs of razors or six waxes. Everybody go get lasered. Or rock a full bush. Or keep waxing. Whatever! I’m just saying.

3. I’m trying to pull off the casual t-shirt style dresses and tank dresses but I am at a loss as to what jewelry to wear to pull the look together. I’m trying to put together a hot outfit to wear for my boyfriend’s birthday this weekend. I have a black racerback cotton tank dress … it has some side rouching and hits just above the knee. I have snake skin peep toes or patent leather dark grayish purple peep toes and just have no clue about jewelry! Help please…

The trick with this is to think outside the “dress + heels + jewelry” box. Add a pair of statement earrings and call it a day. Or a big, dramatic necklace. Or a bunch of bangles. Just remember not to do all the jewelry at once. An LBD, even if it’s a simple jersey tank, can support some dramatic touches but it’s easy to go overboard and end up looking like, uh, like kind of a mess who is trying too hard. (Disclaimer: Less is not always more. I regularly go Full Streetwalker because I like that look, so by all means.)

Another thing to keep in mind when putting together a “hot outfit” is that casual accessories can be sexy too. Throw a loose, cropped top over your tank dress and wear bangles and some sandals. Try combat boots and a scarf and big hoop earrings. Or a denim jacket and booties. Or a belt and some ballet flats. For inspiration, put “celebrity tank dress” into Google image search. Celebrities have stylists whose ideas you can steal.

4. I’m becoming a worldly woman and getting my passport at an age that is far past social acceptance (a.k.a. over the “semester abroad years”). I am also massively vain. Impractically, stubbornly vain. I refuse to look at an unflattering photo of myself every time I whip that booklet out. Normally I do tinted moisturizer, Fresh Twilight, blush, black liner on top, and a brightish lip. My concern is that bright lips can photograph clownish. I also have a round face and high cheekbones so I’m concerned about looking lemonfaced/squinty/chipmunk-cheeked if I smile.

My instinct says nude lip, browns on the eyes with liner, and gentle contouring (ugh such an ugly concept, but it can be done right?). What do you recommend? How do I avoid looking like its a mugshot but also avoid looking like a total tart who got done up for a passport photo. What neckline do I wear?

You are thinking too hard about this.

a. Get your passport photos taken at CVS or any other drug store or currency exchange where they have that service, as opposed to a government office or professional photographer. They use digital cameras and are usually pretty normal people who you can convince to give you do-overs.

b. Why don’t you practice at home with some different makeup looks? Take digital shots of yourself in the brightest possible environment in your home. Turn on ALL the lights and then see if you prefer more or less blush, brighter or darker lips, etc. My personal bright-flash, studio photo makeup strategy: all the foundation, no powder since the flash can make it look weird, blush, highlighter, a brighter lip, black liner on the upper lid, tons of mascara, groomed brows. I kind of think of it as stage makeup. For that reason, I’d never do a nude lip. And also: I NEVER LOOK AT MY ID PHOTOS.

c. Don’t look at your ID photos. Who cares!? Seriously, don’t look at it, just let the TSA agents or door guys look at it. They are so sick of our ID photos and they have never once seen one and been like “YOU ma’am have the most incredibly flattering passport photo I’ve ever seen. Let’s get married and you become a print-only model and we’ll get a black hood that completely covers your face and I’ll tape this passport photo to the front of it and we’ll be millionaires and live happily ever after.”

d. It doesn’t matter what neckline you wear since they crop it out half the time. Just do your hair and clothing the way you most likely would when you travel because I think you might be missing the whole point of having identification: it is to confirm you are the real you and not some impostor who is going to murder anyone. It’s also used for government surveillance and violating your privacy, but that is for another column.

e. Ignore me and waste a bunch of time. Here’s how:

5. I feel like every lady should have a gaudy/ridiculous pair of shoes for fun and since I didn’t and they were on sale ($20?!), I bought these puppies. They are completely out of my element and absurd(ly awesome), so I’m working up the nerve to wear them out. The big problem I have with these and all sky-high heels is that my feet slip way down while I’m wearing them and I end up taking awkward, tiny, flat steps to keep my heels from slipping out. I can actually walk really well in heels, so it’s frustrating!

Your shoes don’t fit. Give them to a friend. I get that you love them because you bothered to send me an actual photo. I love them too! They are pretty radical. But I disagree with a few things. You shouldn’t just have one pair of gaudy ridiculous shoes, you should have as many as you can afford! However, don’t buy a pair that doesn’t fit just because it’s on deep discount; there is a happy medium. Wanna know what it is? Gaudy, ridiculous shoes that fit and don’t cost a fortune. Go to Shoes.com or Endless.com and search by heel height, price, and size. And fine, if your feet never feel solid in a pair of 4″+ pumps, get some of these shoe inserts for the balls of your feet that keep you from slipping down, rather than trying to build up the back to keep your heel in place.

Previously: Hangover Face, Nail Wraps, and Pimping Your Ride.

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