Interview With an Element: Arsenic

by Simone Bauer

You are known as quite reclusive. Thank you for agreeing to this interview.

You are welcome, dear. Why don’t you join me here on the window seat? Tea will be ready in just a minute. I admit, I do not receive visitors very often and prefer my own company, but I still enjoy a good chat now and then. You may not realize it, but I used to turn quite a few heads when I was younger, and was considered a brilliant conversationalist.

What’s your opinion on the name Arsène and its meaning: ‘male, strong, virile’?

I am flattered if parents name their children after me, I am sure they will turn out to be strapping young lads — or ladies. It would make a lovely name for someone as pretty as I once was, don’t you agree? I would also suggest Zarna or Zarnika, to honor my Middle Eastern origins. Much more distinguished than being called Ratsbane.

Which role do you credit for your later triumph in Europe?

Ah, I was so young back then, and would have gone nowhere without Oxygen. Our duet in Acqua di Tofana was celebrated across Italy. It quickly became very popular, especially among unhappily married women. Sadly, the authorities were never as infatuated with me, and eventually I had to leave the country. The Marquise de Brinvilliers offered me her patronage and I followed her to France. I remained for many years in Paris under the stage name Poudre de Succession and influenced politics and high society, until the bitter end. Did you know that I was the cause for the establishment of forensic science? Infamy and personal ruin aside, I still aided my beloved city and home to rid the sewers of rats, poor things. I regret my association with some of the more unsavory elements, but mostly I would make the same choices.

Most people think of you as “White Arsenic.” Is there more to you than that?

I simply love the Arts. I revere the ability to capture the fleeting beauty of life and death. My beauty lives on in cherished pigments: orpiment, Scheele’s and Paris Green. Well, at least for a while; all fades eventually. For centuries, Copper, Chrome, Cadmium, and I lived together after a bohemian fashion, inspiring one another, encouraging artists. Incomparable to this ‘Heavy Metal’ thing you young people like nowadays.

Still, we were far superior to those new-fangled organic dyes. Carbon thinks it can do everything, but has no style, no passion. Before you think I’m hopelessly out of touch with reality, I am actively interested in semiconductors and electronics, and I think I taught Silicone a thing or two.

No mention of your influence on literature?

How could I forget? I was muse to many excellent authors, Flaubert or Schiller. I would not fail their tragic lovers. Of course, as you can glean from my library, I like good mystery fiction as well. These belletristic works do much more for my reputation than true crime reports, and are much less common in nature.

Any favorites?

Isn’t that easy to guess? I collect any that feature me. You simply cannot avoid me if you attempt to write a good whodunit; I am the blunt instrument of poisons. I had a very active correspondence with Ms. Christie and Ms. Sayers. Even Sir Terence Pratchett honored me with a novel!

Which time you would consider the height of your career?

I miss the 19th century — a time I when was acknowledged beyond my toxicity. The arts and sciences were much more closely connected then. It was a time when I inspired humble chemistry textbook writers to cite poetry in my honor. I was medicine, beauty treatment, dye, and pesticide alike, and treasured by nearly all. Vibrant colors were still something to die for. Victorians risked death rather than live without me. People have become too cautious, less attuned to the elements of life. Lead paint, I hear you say? Hah, nowadays any metal is considered poisonous, and it does not even take talent, especially in California.

Thanks to James Marsh, would-be poisoners had to become shrewder and more creative. He was such a delightful chemist and gentleman, and adorably annoyed with my elusiveness! He sweet-talked me to to reveal my true metallic form when asked, and ushered in a new dawn of forensics.

Physicians insisted on publishing papers on arsenic poisonings, but I will not be blamed for lack of caution. Why would anyone in his or her right mind use white arsenic instead of sugar for cheap candy? In the same manner I am made responsible for Napoleon’s death. Instead, I know that Green Wallpaper poisoned him with Mold in his room in St. Helena. As if I would not take credit if I could — I always had a weakness for elegant assassinations.

What’s your opinion on any publicity being good publicity?

Oh, dear, what a sad question. I keep a collection of news clippings and reviews pertaining to me. Did you see last year’s profile on me in Nature Chemistry? That was very nicely done, and politely written. But lately news revolve around me poisoning the groundwater in Southeast Asia, especially Bangladesh. Did you know that this was the result of a decade of international effort in well drilling and providing water free of microbial threats? That’s pure irony, if you indulge me in shifting the blame to another element. I detest poisoning millions of people without consent. There is nothing artful about this, not a subtle murder that I would graciously endorse. I had hoped humanity would appreciate me for what I am, my true nature, but it seems we are incompatible.

What would you like us to appreciate?

I always gave my best. I wanted to be truly accepted for my nature. Do more than help greedy people achieve their goals. I initially met the nice gentlemen Mr. Paul Ehrlich and Mr. Sahachiro Hata in 1910. They were the first to recognize my full talent. I was cast as Arsphénamine in Salvarasan or The Cure to Syphilis. To my surprise, many of the poor patients did not even die! I was the first ‘magic bullet’ and later chemotherapeutic. Penicillin took over after I retired from the stage, and I am told it delivered a good performance, if you understand these modern plays.

Thank you for your time, I enjoyed our conversation.

Are you sure you don’t want to try some of my elderberry wine before you leave?

Previously: Alumin(i)um.

Simone Bauer has a doctorate in chemistry, was born and raised in (West) Berlin, lived for the last eight years in NYC, and recently moved to Cambridge, MA.

Image by concept w, via Shutterstock