The 10 Least Inspiring Sentences on This Lululemon Tote

by Amanda Rosenberg

1. Children are the orgasm of life.

2. Visualize your eventual demise.

3. Take various vitamins.

4. Live near the ocean and inhale the pure salt air.

5. Observe a plant before and after watering and relate these benefits to your body and brain.

6. LOVE.

7. Dance, sing, floss & travel.

8. Nature wants us to be mediocre because we have a greater chance to survive and reproduce.

9. Goal setting triggers your subconscious computer.

10. Sweat once a day.

B-side Ridiculous Things:

a. We are all raised in a different family with slightly different definitions of every word.

b. Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself.

Amanda Rosenberg is a misanthropic Brit who lives in San Francisco and works in Silicon Valley. She’s currently struggling to come to terms with Californian optimism and cannot believe someone actually wrote the sentence ‘children are the orgasm of life.’