How Not to Order a Drink, Part Four

by Camille Santochi

Me: I’ll have two vodka sodas, one Jack and diet, two Stellas, and a soda water with extra lime please.

Nightclub Bartender in Vegas: What?

Me: TWO VODKA SODAS, ONE JACK AND DIET, TWO STELLAS, AND A SODA WATER WITH EXTRA LIME.

Nightclub Bartender: Here you go. That’ll be $51.50, please.

Me: What’s the breakdown?

Nightclub Bartender: $14 each on the vodka sodas, $12.50 for for jack and diet, $8 a piece on the stellas, and $5 for the soda water.

Me: Can we do separate checks?

Nightclub Bartender: … yes ….

Me: Great! Here are four credit cards and some cash. I’ve written down the amount for each card on this napkin.

Nightclub Bartender: Would you like to keep a tab open?

Me: No, we’re going to pay per round.

Nightclub Bartender: Wonderful.

Previously: The Scottish Bartender.

Camille Santochi is a reality television producer from Los Angeles. You can follow her on Twitter@omitofo or see where her cover band is playing next here.