How Not to Order a Drink, Part Five

By The Hairpin March 29, 2012

by Camille Santochi

Friend 1: Should we split a bottle? White or red?
Friend 2: I don’t drink red wine…
Friend 3: I feel like a cocktail.
Friend 1: It would really be more economical if we split a bottle.
Friend 2: Please no red wine.
Friend 3: But we’re going to the [dive bar that only serves scary wine] afterward, and we shouldn’t mix our alcohol.
Friend 1: That’s a total myth.
Friend 2: It’s not a myth!
Waitess: Would you guys like something to drink?
ALL: We need a second!
Friend 1: Let’s split a white wine.
Friend 2: I don’t like anything too sweet.
Friend 1: I only like sweet wines.
Friend 3: Let’s just order our own drinks.
Friends 1 and 2: No!!!!
Waitress: Have you ladies made a decision?
Friend 1: How’s the house white?
Waitress: It’s decent. Warm citrus tones. Springy.
ALL: Sounds great, we’ll take it.

Previously: Two Vodka Sodas, One Jack and Diet, Two Stellas, and a Soda Water With Extra Lime.

Camille Santochi is a reality television producer from Los Angeles. You can follow her on Twitter @omitofo or see where her cover band is playing next here.

Photo by Aron Brand, via Shutterstock