Tucker Max’s Rocking Chair

“And I’ve found that, what I now want the most in a woman is — I want a partner. I want someone who is my partner in life. Who supports me, and I support her. I can share all my experiences in life with her, and she can share hers back with me. Not only do we love each other, but we accept, embrace, nurture, and care for each other.”
 — Tucker Max, of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell and Assholes Finish First notoriety, has apparently retired from the “fratire” game and is now looking for a forever Valentine. Michael Ellsberg chronicles Tucker’s current life and times in a strangely rapt and rambling profile for Forbes (“Where there was once beer, now there is kombucha”).