Look, WHAT Is Going on With Johnny and Vanessa?

There’s only one story with numerous bylines, it looks like. The key words from all source(s) being: “Johnny Depp is quietly talking to his lawyers.” When, if true, a more accurate description would be “Johnny Depp is noisily talking to his lawyers” or “Johnny Depp is quietly talking to his noisy lawyers” or “Johnny Depp is quietly talking to his quiet lawyers who have noisy administrative staff” or “we are tapping Johnny Depp’s telephones.”

Oh, and the other chunk of news is that Vanessa looks pissy right now, but, really, we haven’t ever seen a lot of candid pictures of Vanessa Paradis in which she’s flashing a big Pepsodent grin.* She’s French, their neutral face is “no, I do not want to purchase a magazine subscription from you.”

(Incidentally, the always-classy Huffington Post is using the rumor to frame a piece on “Why Cohabitation Doesn’t Always Work,” as though the possible end of a fourteen-year celebrity relationship involving a man with a “Wino Forever” tattoo is a case for the binding ties of holy matrimony.)

*Exception immediately located.