Learning to Love Ben, Part One

After the premiere of every new season of The Bachelor, all anyone wants to talk about is the girls. Sequined gowns, too much champagne, fake hair, pretty faces, every kind of nurse, platform shoes, couches everywhere — so many couches! — falling down, crying, and instant best friendships and enemies. I mean … it is heaven. But there are bigger fish to fry! Hopefully a delicious Ben-shaped fish.

We only have a dozen or so episodes to figure out whether we want to marry this new guy, the purported genuine breath of fresh air for this series, Ben Flajnik. (FLAN-yick. Maybe?) If you think about it, this show is and always has been essentially about setting up an arranged “marriage.” These people do not know one another, and in a very short amount of time Ben and one of the ladies are supposed to go from strangers to “Eh, I guess we could give marriage a shot?” So, let’s get to know this Ben character. Oh, and knowing him from the season of The Bachelorette that he was on — the one where he proposed to Ashley and was turned down, gasp! — doesn’t count. He spends a bunch of this first episode letting us know how much the experience changed him, so this is a whole new guy.

What we know so far:

Let’s just talk looks because that is the first thing you notice about someone if you’re meeting them in person or in TV. He looks kind of like Josh Groban but that could be fixed maybe with a haircut. Or! You could learn to love Josh Groban-type looks after he is so nice to you because BEN IS SO NICE TO EVERYONE. I don’t even think we’re being tricked here. He seems genuinely nice! Almost boring nice, but at this point, nice is #1 on my list, so we’re good. He was especially nice when Jenna was drunk crying. He didn’t even mention that she was probably just drunk, only that he wanted to check on her because he heard she was crying and that, because he’s been in her shoes, he understands this is a stressful situation. And then he even kept her at the end! What a sweetheart. Also, when Brittney’s grandma got out of the limo before her and you didn’t know if she was maybe a contestant or what was going on, he didn’t even flinch. He asked for a hug and said she was “too cute.” Nice, nice, nice. Nice with a haircut can come later.

Ben is a dork, which is preferable to many, many personality types. Like, for example, a cad. He is just kind of goofy and you talk to the TV and say “What a dee-york!” so many times during the episode. He says “awesome” about everything. His reactions to meeting the girls for the first time, all delivered with an “Aw, shucks” head nod, ranged from “Pretty girl” to “This is good!” Yep, pretty good, dork! I like dorks. But I also like sexiness. Ben didn’t really bring the sex, yet.

Dude seems really sincere and emotional, but maybe too sincere, and I hope he tones it down a little bit before we hang again. For example, please don’t talk about your dead dad every time we talk about love or relationships. Maybe we could get you someone professional to talk to about that as often as you want, though? I’m sorry he died! And I’m not saying never bring it up, but we’ve hung out for an hour and I know that you and your mom and sibs think that your dad visits you in the form of a hummingbird. Which is adorable! Just TMI for a first date. Ugh, I’m a jerk. But you’re nice, so maybe you’ll stick around? On the other hand, oversharing is preferable to you being a heartless tough guy, so maybe I’m taking that all back? Oh but also the being heartbroken about Ashley not wanting to marry you? CHECK. Got it.

Speaking of, the major quote from him from the day he was rejected by The Bachelorette who shall evermore remain nameless: “Good things don’t end unless they end badly.” Nope. Ben. Ben, honey? Cake? Um, parties? Have you ever heard of “awesome” vacations to amusement parks where they do a fireworks show at the end of the night? Books? Movies? Lifelong fulfilling careers? Bottles of wine?

By the way, BEN OWNS A WINERY. *Swoon*

He’s also a bit complicated. He seems bored when Blakeley describes her “love is patient, love is kind” tattoo, which is the correct response, but not one I’d expect from such a nice guy. He’s surprisingly into it when Emily does a rap about communicable diseases, plays along when Dianna blindfolds him to taste test random candies out of a brown paper bag, and says he is “loving the brunettes” but then gives the first impression rose to a blonde. Who is this mysterious man!?

First impression: we have potential. He’s cute enough, not coming on too strong, and he seems to have some important core good-guy stuff going on. Now we need sparks.

Next week: Can Ben kiss?