Learning to Love Ben, Part Four

Oy, I’m getting dizzy from all the location changes! Everyone just stay sitting down for a second, yeesh. This week we’re in Park City, Utah, supposedly because Ben liked being outdoors with his (dead, remember?) father or something, and he wants the ladies to benjoy (ah! actual typo!) the outdoors. But really it’s probably some Sundance promo thing, because the outdoors is everywhere, including all the parts of California Ben lives in.

Kacie B.: I have that scarf from Target. It’s great.

Anyway! Ben takes someone on a date in a helicopter. Zzzzz… Remember when Theo and his friends went to prom in a helicopter and their dates’ hair got all messed up? That was a good helicopter date. Okay, obviously I am bored out of my mind by this episode already! Ben isn’t saying much, and he’s kissing a girl in a canoe. I’m going to get wine, brb…

Hey! They had a half-off sale going on, so Saturday-night wine is now Monday-night wine. So fancy. Ben is STILL on this stupid date, and he’s not doing much to change how boring it is. He just keeps stuffing his face and saying stuff like “I like kissing Rachel.” Bright side: it doesn’t take much to impress Ben! Good to know I can have an “off” day, make literally zero conversation, and he’ll still be all about it.

Ben shows up for the group date on a horse. Yeesh. At least the group date is to an actual possibly fun activity, though it would be a million times better on a not-group date: fly fishing. Even if fishing isn’t your thing, at least it doesn’t involve overcoming a fear of heights, which is quickly becoming Ben’s go-to date trope. Give it a rest, dude. How many of these chicks do you want to form a deep and everlasting bond with anyway? You only get to pick one! Or two.

Speaking of Ben being close to people, he tells us he’s been in love four times. That’s a good amount, I like that. At least he wasn’t like “never,” or “once,” or “if only you understood French I could explain the dozens of loves I’ve possessed in my life, but English is not the language for this discussion.” Nope, he just straight-up says “Four.” Cool.

Also cool: Ben sent a girl home before the rose ceremony on some “I’m just not feeling this” shit. Big ups, Ben! This is what I’m talking about. What I’m not talking about is you being so easily manipulated by babytalking that you’d give someone a rose — particularly someone who unironically says “winning” after they manipulate you into giving them a rose. In other words, I don’t like you, Ben, when you like Courtney. Courtney is my sore spot, for sure. I feel like the things you like about everyone else make sense, even if they are boring things like “she’s beautiful” or whatever.

Clay Walker!? Who the FUCK is Clay Walker, Ben, and why is he playing a concert for us and how do you know the words to his songs? Ben, will you accept this rose? Back from me? I don’t want this rose anymore.

I like your suit and tie at this rose ceremony, I guess. I DO NOT like how we’re going to Puerto Rico next week. It’s starting to feel like you’re running from something, Ben. What is it? The Law? I kind of hope it’s The Law.