Have You Thought About the Exciting Opportunities of Cryonics?

Okay, probably not, unless you are an aging captain of industry or someone who keeps your urine in jugs “just in case.” But there’s a lot to consider!

Do You Go To Heaven Right Away, Or Is Your Soul Kept On Ice?

Obviously, the best source on this is the exemplary Robert Sawyer speculative fiction novel, “The Terminal Experiment.” (You would probably still go to heaven, unless frozen BEFORE your soulwave left your body, but heaven is sort of weird and like being in a game of Tetris.)

The good people at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation (I know! I know!) inform us that “the spiritual status of cryonics patients is the same as frozen human embryos, or unconscious medical patients. When properly examined, cryonics has been endorsed by both clergy and theologians,” which is….good? What does “properly examined” entail, exactly? Are there secretly frozen clergymen who disagreed?

So, What, Are You Dead First?

No. Well, there’s a lot of “depends what you mean by dead.” You are certainly dead from a legalistic point of view. The team ideally takes over immediately following cardiac arrest. Personally, if I’m not doing too hot, and I see the van pull up, I’m already there. Also, they don’t like to use the term “freezing,” since the technology seeks to eliminate ice crystals. The Vitrified Caveman Lawyer, please.

The Whole Thing, or Just The Head?

Brain or whole body options are available.

How Much Does It Cost?

Not a lot, surprisingly! Use your life insurance! Brain is cheaper than whole body ($80K v. $200K.) Well, it’s not a lot if it works, you know? Since it almost certainly never will, you may choose to apportion your wealth differently.

Do You Pay All At Once Upfront, Or Will They Threaten Your Relatives By Partially Defrosting You?

Partially de-vitrifying you, you mean?

Is This Ever Going To Work?

We’re banking on the nanobots, it seems. So, I guess it depends on whether you think the nanobots will turn everything into grey goo first, like Prince Charles says, or whether the nanobots will fix our vitrified bodies in time for us to watch everything turn into grey goo.

What is Your Favorite Part of Alcor’s Own Amazing FAQ Section?

“Alcor’s patients are kept in liquid nitrogen, which is very cold. To prevent both the patient and the liquid nitrogen from warming up, they are kept in a giant stainless steel Thermos bottle called a Bigfoot Dewar or simply a Bigfoot. Each Bigfoot is a double-layered giant cup that is 10′ 6” tall and 43″ in diameter. A vacuum and reflective surfaces between the inner and outer layers prevent heat from entering. This concept was invented by Sir James Dewar in 1892 and has been used ever since both by picnickers and scientists to keep hot things hot and cold things cold. (John Dewar, who brought us Dewar’s Scotch Whiskey, was a different person).”