Your New Favorite Old Christmas Party Songs
by Summer Anne Burton
It goes like this: play these jams and clean your house. Put out anything that’s in a box labeled “Christmas.” Make some coffee with Irish Cream added to it, and make bourbon-infused whipped cream to top it off — this is one of those things that impresses but only takes five minutes to make. You can also make white Russians with that new marshmallow vodka, and/or any recipe on the side of a bottle of creme de cacao. Candy-cane garnishes are a nice touch. Use a bump-it, borrow a string of pearls, and put on a pretty dress. Have some friends over (tell them to dress up). Turn these songs up louder. BOOM: you just threw the best holiday cocktail party in town.
“Christmas Night In Harlem” by Louis Armstrong
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dw9M6cNHO9g
Who doesn’t love Louis Armstrong? His voice is the best present, and he describes Christmas night exactly the way I wish it were. He sings “Everyone is gonna sit up until after three / Everyone will be all lit up like a Christmas tree.” In my real life on Christmas night, though, everyone but me is asleep by nine and the only thing that’s lit up is my grandmother’s television.
“Christmas Time Is Here Again” by The Flirtations
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6wjchvZMDE
The lyrics don’t actually make very much sense — “Christmas cards completely surround me!” — and the weirdly theatrical production makes it sound like it was written for the sole purpose of soundtracking a Christmas-movie montage. But somehow this song is greater than the sum of its parts. Also, The Flirtations are the girl geniuses behind “Nothing But a Heartache,” also known as the best power-walking song ever written.
“Santa Claus Got Stuck In My Chimney” by Ella Fitzgerald
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAoxUO_SJsE
I’m just going to leave this one here.
“I’d Like You For Christmas” by Julie London
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w_PFFfYhCs
There’s nothing explicit about it, but something in London’s voice sounds like eggnog-laced makeout sessions and de-sweatering. In other words, all the good stuff about December.
“Donde Esta Santa Claus?” by Augie Rios
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mK77rxuXK5s
Although this was a one-hit wonder(ful) for Mr. Rios, I maintain that most of us could only hope to spend a lifetime introducing as much happiness into the world as this song does in two-and-a-half minutes.
All Summer Anne Burton wants for Christmas is to hold a baby sloth.
Photo by Krasowit, via Shutterstock