The Culturally Biased SAT: Hip-Hop Edition

by Patrice Evans

Hello and welcome to the Culturally Biased SAT: Hip-Hop Edition. This exam will help you most if you take it under as adverse conditions as possible.

1) ____ said knock you out

a. Tyrone and them
b. The Wu Tang Clan
c. Mama
d. Big Daddy Kane
e. Obama

2) Can you kick it?

a. oh, hell to the naw
b. sheeeeeiit
c. nah son!
d. yes, you can
e. knahmean?!!?!?

3) If Peter Piper picks peppers, then ____ rocks rhymes?

a. Run
b. Dun
c. Son
d. Pun
e. Hon

4) You need to cut this ____ to get with this hero

a. domino, motherfucker
b. zero
c. deadbeat
d. sexist male hegemony bullshit out of your life
e. chile, please

5) The Wu-Tang is to Clan as …

a. Jerry is to Seinfeld
b. Mos is to Def
c. Dr. is to Octagon
d. Stormtroopers to the Empire
e. New York is to the Yankees

6) If the swords are liquid, then the clock radio speakers are ____?

a. dope
b. bumpin’
c. CREAM
d. weak
e. bootleg

7) Questlove is to The Roots as …

a. Andy Warhol is to The Factory
b. Biggie is to Bad Boy
c. Dr. Dre is to West Coast rap
d. Dilla is to Soulquarians
e. Q-Tip is to Tribe

Reading-Lyric Comprehension

Lil Wayne, Run This Town (No Ceilings)

“i get superhero money, call a n superrich
keep it super for a while
let me get on my super shit
super ill, supersick
dog, i go supervick
ran into a superwoman
turned her to a superbitch
hit her with that superdick
she be cumming superquick
supermils, mack money,BLAHBLAH, supernick
superdrizzy, gudda, griz, BLAH BLAH that’s the superclique
now i’m off that supershit
fuck that shit i superquit…”

8) What we learn from this “run” by Lil’ Wayne is …

a. you don’t have sex like Lil’ Wayne has sex
b. Lil Wayne is better than Jay-Z
c. sometimes saying the word “bitch” or “dick” just helps the flow
d. you still don’t need to know everyone’s name in young money crew
e. someone is superlit

9) The word “Super” in this Lil Wayne RUN is:

a. a literary device
b. a rhyme trope
c. dope
d. a lyrical smokescreen (uhhh??)
e. a typo

KRS-ONE, Ah Yeah

This is not the first time I came to the planet
But everytime I come, only a few could understand it
I came as Isis, my words they tried to ban it
I came as Moses, they couldn’t follow my commandments
I came as Solomon, to a people that was lost
I came as Jesus, but they nailed me to a cross
I came as Harriet Tubman, I put the truth to Sojourner
Other times, I had to come as Nat Turner
They tried to burn me, lynch me and starve me
So I had to come back as Marcus Garvey, Bob Marley
They tried to harm me, I used to be Malcolm X
Now I’m on the planet as the one called KRS
Kickin the metaphysical, spiritual, tryin to like
get wit you, showin you, you are invincible
The Black Panther is the black answer for real
In my spiritual form, I turn into Bobby Seale
On the wheels of steel, my spirit flies away
and enters into Kwame Ture

10) KRS’s verse has academic scholarship potential in the field of:

a. monotheism
b. continental philosophy
c. african-american studies
d. narcissism
e. poetry, literature

MATH

11) The hip hop sensibility of Odd Future is the result of which formula:

a. Gravediggaz + Wu Tang Clan + Redman = OFWGKTA
b. Eminem x Gravediggaz Six Feet Deep Album + NERD / Wu Tang Clan — Method Man = OF
c. NERD x Eminem + Frank Ocean + Prince Paul and The RZA = OF
d. oy vey
e. Ku Klux Klan for homophobes

12) If Tyler the Creator rapes 116 waspy white ladies and the Geto Boys raped 63 girls of all ethnicities and denominations first, how many black women do YOU need to rape to be a superstar?

a. PLEASE DON’T RAPE ANYONE
b. 1, if you first execute the rape in the form of a literary magazine thinkpiece
c. 3 …?
d. PLEASE DON’T RAPE ANYONE
e. RAPE IS NOT A JOKE

Sensitivity Threshold Test

13) The question about rape engendered which appropriate response:

a. raised eyebrow
b. clenched fist
c. stabbed passerby
d. rough sex/role-play
e. maniacal laughing
f. deep sigh

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STOP

Patrice Evans (aka “TAN”) is a staff writer for Grantland. His first book, Negropedia (The New Yorker and Daily Beast approved!), makes a lovely Occupy Wall Street, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Kwanzaa gift. Also, Hannukah. He lives everywhere in NYC and will be reading at Greenlight Bookstore’s Steamboat series in a couple weeks. See you then!