Elephant or Donkey?

by Rose Surnow

How liberal are you? Take this juicy quiz and find out!

1. Since the Occupy Wall Street movement has happened you have…
a. Gone down there a couple times.
b. Been arrested twice and never felt more ALIVE! Wearing the sh*t out of this Che t-shirt!
c. Made an amazing frittata.

2. Your favorite music of all time is:
a. Tribal drumming, Chilean protest songs, anything with call-and-response.
b. Ted Nugent and Kid Rock.
c. A little of everything, like a musical paella.

3. The climate has become more and more extreme, which is obviously because:
a. Gays are allowed to marry in some states.
b. Global warming and the depletion of the ozone layer, duh!
c. Who cares? I’ll be gone by the time anything crazy goes down.

4. Your favorite book is:
a. A gun.
b. The Grapes of Wrath.
b. A zine about composting.

5. For Christmas this year you:
a. Are having a Kwanzaa potluck poetry jam. Who’s bringing the hummus?
b. Will ask Jesus for a private jet so you don’t have to be among “the people” when you fly.
c. Will be working from home on an insane deadline. FML.

6.. On the show Parks and Recreation you most relate to:
a. Ron Swanson.
b. Leslie Knope.
c. April Ludgate.

7. You see an interracial couple walking down the street, so you:
a. Go up to them and say, “Dr. King would be so proud” and burst into tears.
b. Smile, because it’s nice to see.
c. Don’t care.

8. You are scared to send your kids to public school because they might learn about:
a. Science and other “city slicker” conspiracies.
b. The white patriarchal heteronormative version of American history.
c. Nothing, but we can’t afford a private school.

9. You just found out that you can’t have children so you:
a. Adopt 15 African babies and raise them Kabbalah.
b. Adopt a kid that looks like you.
c. Live the good life. No kids!

10. You are not getting married until:
a. There is a gay Jewish atheist president.
b. You meet the right person.
c. You meet the right gay Jewish atheist.

There is no answer key to this quiz.

Previously: I’m So Sad I Could Eat a Horse! A Foodie’s Guide to Eating Your Emotions.

Rose Surnow is a stand-up comic/writer/actor. Follow her on Twitter at RoseSurnow.

Image by Cory Thoman, via Shutterstock