Excerpts From the Owner’s Manual for My New Microwave Oven

by Samantha Fox

Page 3: This microwave is not approved or tested for marine use.

Page 4: Warning! Arcing: Arcing is the microwave term for sparks in the oven.*

[*Author’s note: It comes across that “microwave” is its own language, no?]

Page 6: Do not use the microwave to dry newspapers.

Page 28: Note that a microwave cake is not placed on a cooling rack.

Page 32 (Heading): Things That Are Normal With Your Microwave Oven

Page 33: What GE Will Not Cover: 1) Service trips to your home to teach you how to use your product.

When she’s not studying microwaves, Samantha Fox is a PhD student in Anthropology.