A Break-Up Song for Non-Break-Ups

by Adele Chapin

After listening to an excellent and still timely This American Life show about break-up songs, I was inspired to write a break-up tune of my own. But I wanted to write a break-up song that had never been written before — a non-break-up song for the wimpy type of break-up where the relationship just fizzles out without any explanation. Without further ado, here’s a torch song about the myriad ways people can stop contacting each other in this day and age. (It is meant to be sung in do-wop, ’60s girl-group style.)

Baby, wasn’t I your one & only
But my voicemail box is so lonely
Maybe you didn’t get my texts
Could it be you haven’t checked?
Please call me (text me, text me)

Twitter says you’re at the bar
Should I stop by, it’s not that far
Pretty girls blowing up your wall
Guess it wasn’t love at all
Please call me (text me, text me)

Oh my Gchat status is green
Or perhaps you haven’t seen
I know you are logged on too
And it’s making me feel blue
Please call me (text me, text me)

Babe, you got me waiting here online
And I’ll be waiting till the end of time
Or at least until the clock strikes five
Just want to check if you are still alive
Pleeease call me (text me, text me)

Whoa-whoa-a-whoaaaa

Adele Chapin is a marketer and freelance writer in Washington, D.C.