Imagined Inner Monologue of a Person Consenting to Be Quoted in a Wealth Trend Piece

By Nicole Cliffe July 25, 2011

Reporter: Hey, so, we understand you flew your kid to summer camp in a private plane / built your kid a quarter-million dollar playhouse. A lot of people are sooooo weird about it, but we understand that you’re just trying to boost our flagging economy by creating jobs and strengthening the market for very, very small Faberge egg watch charms. We’d love to hear your thoughts.

Individual (silently): Yes! This is not at all like all those other articles that make people like me look like an out-of-touch peasant-kicking nightmare! This reporter gets it. I just love my child soooo much, and it takes such a long time to get out of the city on weekends, and if I let them play inside MY house, Natasha has such a hard time getting the water rings off my mahogany coffee table. I don’t know why people go on Real Housewives and make entitled-looking assholes of themselves, when obviously you can just very carefully police what you have to say to the press.

Individual (out loud): I would love to talk to you. CUE A SERIES OF DISASTROUS STATEMENTS.

Bonus
People Who Thought They Were Going to Get Away With Being Quoted in a Wealth Trend Piece Until They Read the Last Sentence of the Article:

But some parents have already tired of this private-plane status infiltrating the simpler world of summer camp. Nancy Chemtob, a divorce lawyer, made several summer trips to Maine in the past decade, where her children attended camp. She once managed to get on a charter plane from the airport in East Hampton, N.Y., for $750 (her husband had hung a sign in the airport seeking a ride). After listening to enough banter among parents about “who is flying, who is flying private, who they can get a lift home with,” she decided she “was done with Maine and the planes and all of the people.”