A Disjointed Meditation on Politeness vs. Inexcusable Wussiness

When, exactly, and under what circumstances should you call someone out on their offensive remark?

It’s tempting to opt to BE A CONSTANT VOICE FOR RIGHTEOUSNESS, but invariably the opportunity to be a voice for righteousness comes up at…other people’s dinner parties, or when you’re meeting your dear friend’s six thousand year old grandmother, and then you’re trying to balance being ‘rude’ versus ‘silence implying agreement,’ and then you spend the next week feeling like an awful person either way.

Or, sometimes you feel better calling someone on a lower-level offense, because you can say something about it in a chirpy, non-aggressive way, whereas the blatant stuff demands a more nuclear option.

Or, you could be my aunt, who has never once backed away from a teachable moment, which has included an incident involving her driving her car into a ditch in January in the middle of the night, sitting in several inches of icy water, finally finding a guy willing to tow her out, said guy saying ‘honey, can you turn your engine off?’ and her schooling him on proper forms of respectful address as they sat there, in the ditch.

But, no, seriously. What’s your strategy? Leaving the room? Engaging? Is there a real ethical problem in not engaging? Ignoring? Quietly pulling the person aside after dinner? Do you apologize to your host? Do you give old people a pass?

Or, do you just think ‘if you were an Internet personality, your ass would be MINE right now,’ and slump further into your seat to finish your dessert?

Inquiring, conflict-averse minds want to know!