Relationshapes!

By The Hairpin June 9, 2011

by David Rees

The shadows are growing longer. Soon we’ll be plunged into darkness. This is the penultimate installment of Relationshapes!

Don your mourning veil, pour yourself a glass of the bitterest absinthe, put on some dystopian doom metal, and ENJOY.

Thanks to reader Sara S. for these wonderful shapes!

The trusty answering machine here at Relationshapes HQ has been overwhelmed with messages of support and sadness re: the pending demise of everybody’s favorite comic. Here are just a few of the many messages I got this week:

“(SOBBING NOISES) Hello, is this Relationshapes? It’s me, one of Charlie Sheen’s girlfriends. (SNIFF) I just heard the news … I had to call and beg you to reconsider your retirement. I’ll do anything to keep reading Relationshapes!”

BEEEP!

“Hey, Relationshapes it’s me: George Soros. I was watching CNN International and they said you’re quitting the comic. (INARTICULATE GROANS OF DESPAIR) Would you reconsider if I paid you twenty million dollars? (KNEELING SOUNDS) I am literally kneeling on the floor begging you to keep going. (CRYING SOUNDS)”

BEEEP!

“(SOUND OF SOMEONE THROWING THEIR PHONE ACROSS THE ROOM) Arrghh! Can you hear me, Relationshapes? I just threw my phone across the room but it’s on speakerphone mode so you should still be able to hear me! It’s me, Lucy Liu! I’m so angry with you for ending my favorite thing on the internet! Goddamn you, you’re breaking my heart!”

BEEEP!

“Hey. It’s Noam Chomsky. You stink, as any cursory review of the available literature will confirm for those willing to look. I’m glad you’re quitting.”