Recession Band-Aids and Their Subsequent Reviews

by Erin Sullivan

The Chef — four corn nuts glued together

“This one healed my wound almost immediately, because of all the salt, but it was pretty painful and scarred right away.”

The Cat Lover — a miniature plastic disco ball tied around with string

“Just when I thought my cut was healing, one of the ball’s edges would reopen it.”

The Postman — bits of packing peanuts sprinkled on top of wound

“Well, what can I say — my leg’s been amputated.”

Previously: Nine Ways to Enjoy Adult Acne.

Erin Sullivan lives in Portland, Oregon.