Make Your Own Pleasant-Smelling Natural Insect Repellent

When it comes to something like quitting shampoo, reducing the amount of synthetic chemicals that touch your skin is a bonus, but it’s not essential; you’re probably not going to hurt yourself by washing your hair. Bug spray, though, is a different story. Of course using it once in a while probably isn’t a huge deal, but it is literally poison designed to literally kill things. If you would prefer not to coat yourself with a substance that, according to Wikipedia, “may dissolve some plastics, rayon, spandex … or varnished surfaces including nail polish,” here are some natural insect repellents you can make yourself.

For mosquitoes

Ingredients:
5 drops of one of the following essential oils: eucalyptus, catnip, citronella
1/2 cup witch hazel

OR

10 drops of one of the above essential oils
1 oz carrier oil (e.g., jojoba or almond)

Mix together and spray or rub on exposed skin.

You can experiment with small batches to figure out which ratios give you the smell you like best, and which prevent the most bug bites. I find it’s pretty effective (and I live in the giant cauldron of insects that is Texas), but it’s definitely more for an evening on a bar patio than for a long hike through the woods, especially because it’s not super sweatproof. If you’re going swamp fishing or jungle diving or whatever, this probably isn’t going to cut it. A splash of vinegar will make it more effective, but it’ll also make you smell like a pickle.

Note: Essential oils are toxic to cats and sometimes to dogs, so keep this away from pets, like you would with regular bug spray. I don’t know what would happen if a cat got a hold of catnip essential oil, but I’m imagining some really adorable/tragic spirals into addiction and death.

For fleas

A lot of websites will tell you that you can ward off fleas with peppermint oil or something similar. No. False. It may prevent a few fleabites, but it will do nothing to kill off the bloodsucking parasites laying hundreds of eggs in your house every day. You’re not going to be able to avoid pesticides completely, but if you’re worried about chemical harm, you can use plain old 20 Mule Team Borax.

Generously sprinkle borax onto your carpet and sweep it in with a broom. It dries out eggs and larvae, so the fleas can’t keep multiplying. Leave it there for at least four days, preferably a week, then vacuum it up. (Make sure to vacuum up some poison as well to kill any adults in the vacuum; they will crawl back out of the vacuum otherwise, that is what you’re dealing with here.)

You’re probably still going to need to use flea spray on hard-to-powder nooks and crannies, and you’re definitely still going to have to wash all your sheets and clothes, but borax is preferable to carpet powder because it’s odorless and nontoxic as long as you don’t, like, chug it. You can just sweep it into your carpet, furniture, and pet bedding (not while the pet is actually in it). And when the fleas are finally gone, you can use the borax in your laundry or dishwasher. Clean your toilet with it, preserve flowers. Just have a dang old borax party. Throw it in the air. Contemplate a bowl of it at your kitchen table. (It goes without saying, don’t let your child or pet actually eat it, and you probably don’t want little kids crawling on it. Maybe keep pets and younger kids out of the treated area just to be on the safe side.)

Note: If you notice any adverse effects from the borax, like skin irritation, either stop using it or stay out of the boraxed room until you’re ready to vacuum, but you’re way less likely to notice adverse effects than with conventional flea powder.

For caterpillars

According to eHow, you can boil a cup of orange or lemon peels in a quarter-cup of water, then strain it into a bowl. Spray that mixture onto your plants, and it’ll supposedly keep caterpillars away. If you try it, let me know how it works out, because I don’t have a garden and can’t test it. If you notice that it’s basically the same recipe as my DIY hairspray, ssshhhhh.

Other things I haven’t actually tried

Apparently putting borax around your baseboards can help get rid of a cockroach infestation, though I bet that, as with fleas, you’ll have to use a borax-plus-chemical-pesticide approach.

You may be able to prevent ticks with aloe vera? And scabies with tea tree oil? (Yeah right. Just go to the doctor. The cream they give you is derived from chrysanthemums, just pretend it’s natural.)

No one even pretends to know how to get rid of fire ants because they are the truly the bug of the dark lord Satan, but if I can whimper some advice to you from the cold, lonely halls of experience, it would be to wash the bites with soap and water as soon as possible after they happen. Then just sit back and wait for them to heal until you get so sick of the pain and unbearable itching that you fucking cut your fucking feet off. OK. Great.

Previously: Make Your Own Semi-Functional Hair Styling Products.

Lauren O’Neal grew up near Berkeley, California, but didn’t become a dirty hippie until after moving to Texas.