Do You Speak Man?

I scored “Fluent Female” on Cosmopolitan’s bottomless “50 Guy Phrases Translated” quiz. Seriously, don’t take it, it never ends; in an alternate universe, I am still taking it. (That’s what she said.) It also might be a bummer of an accidental autobiography for the woman who wrote it. Or not, because she probably just had to make up some nonsense. There is a sad question about what “I love you” means, though. But you’ll never see it, because you aren’t going to take it.