The Week of May 16–20

– A Lady helped us negotiate bad sex; A Dude asked us to touch his arm; and A Clean Person is giving herself a pedicure in the middle of the floor without fear.

– Leave your house someday …

– … to go buy or steal this goddamn tiara.

– Has anyone else been Googling “hot yoga [your city]”?

– Or getting breast reductions?

– Or gluing feathers into their hair or making muesli?

– At the end of the day, though, there is always acne.

– Good luck getting raptured. If you don’t, though, Jane Feltes will be on VH1 at 9:30 a.m. EST next Monday morning, so that’s something to look forward to.