Washington D.C. Museumgoer Struggles to Keep Her Cool

“This is evil!” a woman reportedly screamed at Paul Gauguin’s “Two Tahitian Women,” which is currently on display in Washington’s National Gallery. She then beat its plastic case until museum security were able to restrain her. “She was really pounding it with her fists,” a fellow visitor observed.

In related news, Paul Gauguin’s “Two Tahitian Women” announced its candidacy for the presidency this morning, and so everyone looked at it for a while — for a long, long time — and realized there was just something about it, something amazing, and we all decided that in this instance the election process could be fast-forwarded, and that it could run uncontested, and actually Paul Gauguin’s “Two Tahitian Women” took over the presidency this morning, and the first thing it did as president was to change the word “president” to “eternal queen,” so now Paul Gauguin’s “Two Tahitian Women” is our eternal queen, and we will serve it for the rest of time.