Tim Rigginsicles: Beer Popsicles for Taylor Kitsch’s Birthday

You guys, it’s Tim Riggins’s birthday! (OK, technically his name is Taylor Kitsch, but he’ll always be Tim Riggins to me.) We have to celebrate! We should go find him and have a big party, right? I guess the only problem is that we don’t know where he is right now. Maybe he’s in Canada, where he’s from? Or maybe he’s filing some papers? Or he could be on a romantic cruise with Lyla Garrity? (Never!) I’ll work on figuring it out, but in the meantime I know, wherever he is, he’s thinking about me and wondering what I am going to get him for his birthday. Well, Tiiiiim, it just so happens I am getting you something very special: Beer popsicles!

Why beer popsicles? Why NOT beer popsicles?! For real though, everyone knows that beer is the only thing Tim Riggins ever drinks, and everyone also knows that he is super steamy hot, like a sauna or a hot pocket that’s been microwaved for too long. One look at him, and you need to cool off. What better way to do that than by eating beer popsicles? Sure, you could just have a cold beer, but isn’t it better to lick Tim Ri…I mean beer, than drink it? The answer is yes.

So, let’s whip up a batch of these suckers, and then kick back and watch a few videos of our favorite man at work.

Here’s what you need:

-Your favorite beer. How much you need will depend on the size of your popsicle molds and how many you want to make. I used 1.5 bottles of Miller Lite. (Don’t judge me. It’s all I had on hand, and the liquor stores weren’t open this morning when I started making these!) It’s better to use something with a strong flavor. More fruity/berry-tasting beers would probably be really tasty.

-Popsicle molds. I have a little set that comes with a base and sticks too. I got it at IKEA, but you can get them lots of places. Or you can use any kind of small cup, like those Dixie cups, and put popsicle sticks in them or even plastic spoons.

-One picture of Tim Riggins, printed out. Might I suggest this one?

Here’s what you do:

-Tape the picture of Riggins to the cupboard or the fridge or set it on the counter, just make sure it’s someplace where you can see it. As you make the popsicles, gaze at it periodically for inspiration.

-Get your mold or cups ready.

-Then pour the beer into them. Trust me when I tell you not to fill them all the way full. Things expand when they freeze, but I forgot this when I made my first batch and ended up with beer coating all of the items in my freezer. Oops. So, just fill the cups up about ¾ of the way full.

-If you’re using a popsicle mold, you can put the sticks in now and put them in the freezer. If you’re using your own popsicle sticks/spoons, wait a little while until the beer slushes up before you stick them in. That way they’ll stand up straighter.

-Freeze the popsicles for at least four hours or overnight.

While you wait, you can watch these very thorough videos OR better yet you can watch every episode of seasons 1–4 of “Friday Night Lights” on Netflix. (You should do that even if you don’t care at all about Tim Riggins because, man alive, is it a good show.)

OK, now that you’re all hopped up on the drug that is Tim Riggins, it’s time to cool off with your popsicles! So fetch them from the freezer and remove them from the mold. (If they stick a bit, you can run a little hot water around the outside of the mold to loosen them up.)

Enjoy their slushy, beery flavor as you think of all the memories that you and Tim Riggins are someday going to make together, as soon as he figures out that you exist and looks up your address online.