Ask a Clean Person: Stinky Bedding, Tiny Vacuums, and More Vomity Things

My mom recently gave me a hand-me-down comforter she got from Anthropologie long ago. It is, of course, adorable and goes perfectly in my new room and *new* bedding is great post break-up. However, this thing stinks.

I don’t know what poor little wet animal she wrapped it around during some rescue attempt, or what visiting baby vomited sour milk on it, or what mutilated body she was hiding from my father while trying to decide the best or most fun way to dispose of it, but this comforter STINKS. I washed it three times, with OxiClean, and aired it out in the wholesome sunshine twice. I could take it to the dry cleaners but I am worried I will spend money with no results. Do you suggest I dry clean it, or do you have another home remedy? It is very thin fabric with a thin layer of batting in it, so it is quite fragile and I have already put a small tear in it with my cleansing attempts. My sister says I’m crazy and that it doesn’t smell bad anymore, but she is constantly around spewing babies so spoiled milk is her air, and I am the one that sleeps under it at night, and I have dreams about buying a new comforter to save myself from the smell, and subsequently hurting my mom’s feelings. This seems like such a silly problem, reading it written out here.

You should totally call up your mom and be all, “The good news is that the comforter doesn’t smell! But the bad news is that I have phantosmia.” Keep her going for a while if you can; trifling with moms is always good for a few laughs.

In the meantime, try this and see if it works for you: Fill your tub or a large sink with warm water, stir in ½ cup of baking soda and let your comforter soak for a few hours. Then launder as usual, adding another ½ cup of baking soda to the wash during the rinse cycle. You may also want to consider using a perfumed laundry detergent like Mrs. Meyer’s lavender scent, which smells so good it makes me want to eat my sheets sometimes.

Finally, at the risk of stepping on Ask a Sewing Person’s toes, it bears suggesting that before you wash the comforter again it’s probably not a bad idea to grab a needle and thread and mend that tear.

This isn’t a “how do I clean this?” inquiry, but I’ve gotta assume that you’re pretty savvy about your cleaning product shopping, too — so what kind of vacuum cleaner do you have? Or more specifically, what kind vacuum cleaner won’t break the bank, will fit in a small space in a tiny apartment, AND will get the job done? My cheap-o Dirt Devil is small and all, but it pretty much just pushes crap around on my rugs.

I don’t currently have rugs or carpeting in my home — I get by with a broom and a Dirt Devil Kone — so I yelled down the hall to my friend Matt, who is the most compulsive product researcher I know, to ask about his vacuum-buying process.

Quoth Matt:

Two things you want to look for in a smaller upright vacuum for an apartment are:

1. A rotating bristle brush

2. A bagless canister

The rotating bristle brush is essential to clean carpets of any pile length and will prevent/remove traffic patterns. The rotating bristle brush should be switched off in favor of the suction source only for hardwood and/or tile floors. (Keeping the rotating bristle brush on while doing solid surface floors puts unnecessarily wear and tear on the rubber belt and shortens the life of the bristles.) And a bagless canister means you can sanitize it and the filter with a mild bleach and water solution to remove allergens. [Ed.: He really does this, by the way. He sanitizes his vacuum cleaner. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes.]

Also, stay away from the rechargeable models as the batteries die quickly and they simply don’t have the power of a traditional plug-in model.

I told you he was a compulsive product researcher. He really is quite fun! With that, Matt recommends the Hoover Flair, which is available for under $50.

Please help me get vomit stains out of my favorite pillows! They’re these absolutely beautiful throw pillows that I got about five years ago from Urban Outfitters. I love them so much that everything I bought for my room since then has been modeled around the color scheme and patterns of those pillows. Well, I got a nasty stomach bug and (you guessed it) horked it all over my favorite pillows at 5 a.m. Everything else we were able to throw in the washing machine, but these pillows don’t have removable slipcovers.

Since I can’t toss them into the laundry, is there anything I could apply to the stains to get them out? I should note that it’s been a few weeks now (I know, eeewww, but I didn’t realize they were collateral damage until a few days ago when I found them at the bottom of the laundry pile) and the fabric covering looks to be cotton, no fancy fabrics. Please help me save my pillows! I can’t buy replacements!

Nasty business, that stomach bug that’s been going about for the past few months. Ugh, and the only thing worse than barfing is having to clean up the barf. You poor thing.

Vomit is a protein stain; as we talked about last week, you’ll want to treat any kind of protein stain with a product made to combat proteins. If you’ve got OxiClean in the house, go ahead and make a paste by mixing the Oxi with some water, rubbing it into the stained area, and letting it sit for 20 minutes (maybe in your bathtub?) before rinsing with cold water. Once that’s done, take a page out of Stinky Comforter’s book and fill your tub up with cold water, mix in about a cup of baking soda, then let the pillows soak in that solution for about 30 minutes — this will help to get any lingering smells out.

If the stain has come out, go ahead and put the pillows in the dryer on a low heat setting. If the stain hasn’t come out, do another Oxi paste application. If you don’t have Oxi on hand, my Martha Stewart Homekeeping Handbook (I sleep with it now) suggests spraying the stain with a dishwashing soap solution: 1 tablespoon fragrance- and dye-free dishwashing soap to 10 oz water. (I really don’t understand why Martha couldn’t have said 1¼ cups water, which is what 10 oz is, but then again we all know that Martha lives to make us all feel lesser than. Love her so much.) Let it sit, then rinse with tepid water.

Previously: The Stain Trifecta

Jolie Kerr is not paid to endorse any of the products mentioned in this column but she sure would be very happy to accept any free samples the manufacturers care to send her way! Is anything you own dirty?

Picture via Flickr