A Cry for Help Regarding Sleep Positions

Sleeping on your back apparently keeps your face and breasts pretty, although sleeping on your side/stomach can be good for snoring-reduction, if that’s what you struggle with. (But if concern about breast appearance is a thing, wouldn’t stomach-sleeping be ideal? It doesn’t add up!) And then there are apparently people who sleep in the fetal position? You creeps. So if you sleep wrong you should just fix it, and the rest of your life will be great.

Aaand fast forward through years of half-hearted and fully hearted attempts at sleep-position-changing. Nope! Not possible. Do people ever actually do this? How to stomach sleepers become back sleepers? How do stomach sleepers become back sleepers? (But also, why would anyone naturally sleep on their backs? Have they even tried sleeping on their face? Oh my god it’s so great.) Anyway, among the things that don’t work: willpower, pillows between the knees, fancy pillow arrangements for the head, mental envisioning. This is a serious question.