Today’s Housewives Are Doin’ It All Wrong

Ever on the hunt to provide us with useful information, scientists have discovered that today’s housewives are less healthy than their counterparts from the 1950s. It seems modern conveniences have made things too easy for our generation of wives.

“In 1951, the average housewife burned well in excess of 1,000 calories a day, mainly because housework was much more strenuous. She had to use apparatus such as twin tubs to wash her family’s clothes — harder work than simply pressing a button on the automatic washing machine.”

OK, but doesn’t it seem like we should be healthier without all the strain of scrubbing our clothing on a rock by the riverbank? Yes, except…

“[A]lthough she was burning calories fast, the average woman consumed just 1,818 a day in 1951. Today, women consume an average of 2,178 calories — and get through just 556.”

Oops! It seems our newfound freedom from chores has meant more time to stuff our faces with processed foods. To be fair, though, for housewives in the ’50s, “rationing meant they were forced to include more vegetables in their diet.” Interesting. So maybe the solution to our bad health is as simple as asking the government to ban the use of modern appliances and ration the amount of food we can eat? Sure we’ll be crabby from eating nothing but rutabagas, and we’ll have bad knees from all the floor-scrubbing, but we’ll be so skinny and perfect that we won’t even care!