The Spam Diet

“My dear friends, today I am reaching out to you with the certainty that I can help you put an end to the inevitability of weight problems in North America.” — The latest trendy diet book comes with a preface from the daughter of a cocoa merchant in Abidjan who needs your bank account number so she can deposit the nine million dollars she inherited from her father who was poisoned during a business outing by his closest confidante. No, actually the North American edition of The Dukan Diet — “the number one French diet” — comes with a stilted preface by creator Dr. Pierre Dukan, whose program sounds like a mix between Atkins and the Four Hour Body. It’ll be officially invading our country on April 19.