“The Skanky Girl’s Guide to [Getting] Brain Surgery”

Some pro tips:

-Make sure to show up for your surgery like a total slut wearing a thong on her period so that they have to give you a sweet pair of disposable mesh panties. Nothing says total skank like disposable underwear.

-When you have to run around town with sunglasses on because of the swelling around your eyes, wear them with pride. Pretend you’re a rich bitch who had work done. It’s rich bitches like that that make us sick bitches look less like assholes when we have to run around in the cold with our sunglasses on. Really sell it by getting a mani with the sunglasses on, it’ll make you feel better. Drink sparkling during the day, it’s good for the swelling.

-Make sure you are surrounded by people who aren’t offended by the word “retard” so that you can yell it dramatically when you forget to do something, “I am not retarded!,” “Don’t treat me like a retard,” it’s good for dramatic effect.

Over on A Lie of the Mind, a very funny lady is chronicling the “bizarre process” of having a brain tumor, because “brain tumors are funny, but they’re not hilarious.” She also happens to be, ohhh, decent-looking.