The Ballad of Jenni Farley: Four Reasons It’d Be Okay If My Pretend Daughter Looked Up to JWoww

By Christine Friar March 22, 2011

This coming Thursday (3/24) marks the finale of Jersey Shore’s third season on MTV, and everywhere people are abuzz with speculation as to what terms these idiots are going to leave the house on. Will Snooki and Vinny just admit they are perfect for each other? Does The Situation ever conjugate a verb correctly? Can Sammi and Ron break up for good? (Please! I will sacrifice three doves!)

But for all of the talk, most of the analysis I’ve seen is broken down into two camps:

Camp A) tHiS sHoW iS sO kEwL, can’t w8 2 see wut happenz next!

Camp B) This show is misogynistic and stupid.

I can empathize to an extent, but I feel like I’ll be tuning in this Thursday because I belong to a third, underrepresented camp. It’s called, “Camp Jenni ‘JWoww’ Farley has a secretly high IQ and makes the show really compelling to watch because I want to be friends with her.”

“But Christine,” you must be saying. “This show hates women. You are a woman! I don’t understand!”

And while, yes, Pauly and Mike are at prehistoric levels re: treating women like humans, and while Jenni does cohabitate with them, she’s actually done a good job of remaining an emotionally-healthy, decisive person with a good moral compass in a house full of adult children over the years. And I think her implants along with the fact that her daywear is literally purchased at sex stores distracts people from just how strong she is.

If I had a daughter in 2011, she could do a lot worse in the role model department than JWoww.

1. For the entire series, she has had stable primary relationships that emphasize trust and honesty. Pauly showed her his pierced penis in Season One, she called up her long-distance boyfriend and told him. Ron was cheating on Sam, she wrote Sam a note telling her what was going on. I’m not saying this woman is a paragon of wholesome American morals — she has pulled many a weave in her day — but she’s a fucking good friend.

2. She does not have time for your codependent bullshit. Episodes Jenni spent crying after a years-long relationship with Tom ended and she had to go back to their shared house to sort through her belongings: <1. Entire seasons it has taken Sam and Ron to try and work through their exhausting emotional baggage: 3.

3. She can put aside her personal gripes in order to reach out to you in your time of need because, above all, Jenni is a Good Human. Despite the fact that she hated Angelina, she took the time in Miami to take her aside and let her know that she had earned her place in the cast just like everyone else. Angelina ultimately ended up hanging in for a few more episodes because Jenni took the time to be nice.

4. Childhood photos have proven that she was not always a caricature of feminine sexuality. Being chubby as a child has nothing to do with her behavior in the house necessarily, except that it correlates very well with my theory that people who endure some form of sustained awkwardness during their formative years often have beautiful, resilient personalities. In the words of Jack Donaghy: “I don’t know what happened in your life that caused you to develop a sense of humor as a coping mechanism. Maybe it was some sort of brace or corrective boot you wore during childhood.”