Relationshapes!

By The Hairpin March 31, 2011

by David Rees

As the seasons change back and forth, and the world spins in crazy new directions, one thing remains constant: Relationshapes. Kick off your shoes, pour some lotion on your crow’s feet . . . and relax!

At first I thought I hadn’t received any new voicemail messages at Relationshapes HQ. Then I realized my answering machines had broken due to overwhelming call volume! Here’s yet another message:

“Hallo, thees a message for Relationshapes! It’s-a me, Silvio Berlusconi, famous prime minister of-a Italy! I’m-a beeg man with a lotta money, you see. I have many sex-castles where I make-a love weeth young ladies! Do you a-like makin’ a-love weeth young ladies? Then we can be friends, you an’ me! Do me favor: Make-a me special Relationshapes weeth only young shapes, so so young, and I will-a pay you so many money! Call me on-a my phone, it’s in Italy.”