Beauty Q&A: Thin Lips, Mustaches, and the Lip Gloss Missing Link

What order do you apply makeup in? I just started buying grown-up makeup and now I find myself in front of the mirror with a pile of cosmetics, feeling a little lost. Can you talk me through what to put on top of what, and what is most essential?

Ah, to be young again when the world was just a pile of cosmetics… This is a great question because it’s not something any of us think to ask when we first start making up, and instead just figure out naturally after years of trial and error. For your cleverness you get one girl’s hard-earned makeup-order philosophy: Go from the things that might make the most mess (like eyeshadow) to the things that make the least mess, or clean up the mess you’ve already made, then do the finishing touches you don’t wanna fuck up by having your hands all over your face. So:

• Inner eye or “waterline” eyeliner
• Eye primer
• Eyeshadow
• Foundation primer
• Foundation or tinted moisturizer (and concealer if you use it)
• Eyebrow pencil or powder
• Bronzer
• Blush
• Highlighter
• A lil touchup with foundation or concealer cuz maybe now you brushed the makeup off that one huge zit
• Eyeliner
• Mascara
• Lip whatever

No, you do not need to wear all of this, but I do and in that order. I do my lips and mascara at the end because I usually want to fuss with my hair right before I leave the house, and hair and blowdryers are the natural enemies of wet mascara and lip gloss. As for your last question, because we don’t know your age/skintype/daily routine it’s hard to say what’s “essential,” but my “can’t go to the grocery store without” necessities are tinted moisturizer or foundation, eyebrow stuff, blush, mascara, and a lip gloss. Have fun with your pile!

I have really thin lips (bottom lip is actually OK, but top one disappears when I smile) and I think wearing awesome lipstick draws attention to this and looks pretty dumb so I just use light glosses. But other people look so great with dramatic red lipstick! Is there a way for me to do this short of getting collagen injections?

You’re workin’ what you’ve got perfectly! Lighter colors and gloss make lips look bigger. It seems like dark lipstick would do this, but it does the opposite, as you have figured out. If you really want to go red, I’d try using concealer on your top lip and lip pencil to line just outside your upper lip line to make it appear fuller. This is a favorite trick of the more normal-looking Real Housewives, like Gretchen. Then fill in with lipstick. Here’s a good YouTube ‘torial of that technique:

I have a small problem. I am what would be described as hirsute. I have lovely thick dark hair that makes me every stylist’s wet dream, and striking eyebrows that make my green-blues pop. But like a lot of girls similarly blessed (like the late, great Liz Taylor), I have a moustache. Ever since I was about 13, I’ve used bleach (bright white mo’), hair removal cream (big red burn in shape of mo’), and have finally settled on a regime of plucking (straggly mo’ when I’m too busy to care). This keeps the main offenders at bay, but it’s not a life-long solution. I don’t want to be 60 and my mo’ go unchecked due to poor eyesight. I’m tempted by more permanent options — laser hair removal or electrolysis — and I’m happy to splurge for good results. But which one will get rid of the mo’, once and for all?

You sound so pretty and I’m glad you called this a “small problem” because it is. If it’s not totally annoying you, you could keep doing what you’re doing for now? My ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend who I used to stalk a lot on FB had a majorly obvious moustache and that bitch just owned it. Seriously, like her friends would comment on her closeup photos about how nice her moustache looked and she would reply “Thank you! Love you! XO!” The nerve. So you could try that, and you sound so striking it could just be another really special thing about your face. I do hear the “not being able to see it, and now it’s out of control” worry regarding getting older and losing eyesight, though. The best and cheapest (in the long run) permanent solution for that is laser hair removal. Many clinics have coupons online or run specials for first-time clients, so call around if that’s the way you want to go. They may even throw in some Botox if you bat your eyes and squint.

Talk to me about nails some more. I’m looking down at my nails that I polished last night with a Sally Hansen base, OPI color, and an Essie matte top. One of my thumbs is already bald, and at least three others have significant chips. I sit at a desk all day. What am I doing wrong? Is this avoidable? It must be, because other people wear nail polish and don’t look sad all the time.

Pobrecita! I think your issue is 95% base- and top coat-related, and maybe only 5% technique. I want you to try something when you’re getting ready to paint your nails next time: After you remove your old polish and file your nails, wash your hands well with regular hand soap and dry them completely. Now take a cotton pad with regular, non-moisturizing — like the most-regular-you-can-find — nail polish remover and wipe your nails off one last time. Rubbing alcohol works, too. As soon as they dry, apply one coat of Seche Vite base coat, two coats of polish (or a hundred depending on the look!) and top off with Seche Vite top coat. And make sure you give it time to totally dry (don’t go do the dishes afterward). And toss out the base and top coats once they start to get gooey. It’ll seem like a waste, because this begins to happen when there’s still like a third of the bottle left, but that’s the breaks. Smile.

Have you come across a good, lightly tinted lip gloss that isn’t overly sticky and doesn’t smell like earwax? (Not sure if I’m alone in thinking a lot of glosses smell like that.) I find that most glosses I use make me look kissable but then it’s all sticky and wow that smells weird. Thanks!

I’m gonna suggest trying two things. The first isn’t a lip gloss at all, it’s Dior Addict, which is a very moist, silky sheer kind of lipstick. It goes on like lip balm and looks slightly shiny and delivers really pretty, subtle color and doesn’t smell at all. When I started wearing it my besties went out and found their colors and we are all Dior Addict addicts now. As for an actual gloss (which unforch makes us look so kissable but is never the best for actual making out), one that at least smells good and isn’t super goopy is Sephora’s Super Shimmer Lip Gloss. My favorite color is Bronzed Beauty, which although it doesn’t sound or look like it in the tube, is a universally flattering natural color that I love for everyday wear.

Previously: Self-Tanner, Acne, and Ugly Nails.

Jane Feltes produces the radio program “This American Life,” and no makeup companies pay her to say any of this. Do you have a question for Jane?