The Valentine’s Day From Hell

Who among us does not have a major posthumous crush on Abe Lincoln? So why don’t we all spend the next few moments fantasizing that we were on this disastrous Valentine’s Day train ride with him back in 1861. It sounds pretty dramatic — Mary Todd and the children have to run after the train; Lincoln is harassed by maniac fans at every stop! But also very charming and free-wheeling:

“The presidential party turned to music to lighten the mood. In the forward car, some of the younger members of the delegation (including Robert Lincoln) began to sing, as people did unselfconsciously then.”

There’s even an old-timey set list so you can sing along unselfconsciously with the Lincolns!

The saddest part comes at the end, when poor Abe finishes his off his terrible day by reading some hatemail.

It began, “If you don’t Resign we are going to put a spider in your dumpling and play the Devil with you,” continued unprintably from there, and concluded with “god dam a fool and goddam Abe Lincoln.”

Awww. If I could use a time machine to send Honest Abe a Valentine that said, “Don’t worry, you go on to become one of the most beloved figures in American history,” I would!

Picture via horrorfatale