Overheard One Time Miley Cyrus and Jeremy Piven Hung Out
Piven:”I think I must be an 18-year-old girl because we got along really well. It was just so much fun. I had so much fun with her and we had great chemistry. It was really really weird — we’re like polar opposites. … You know, you can judge her, but what were you doing when you were 18? She’s kind of amazing. There’s something so incredibly refreshing about someone who is exactly who they are. There’s nothing pretentious about her. She’s this force. She loves to laugh.”
“Jer-uh-meeey.”
“Whu-huh-huuuuut, Mi-uh-leeey.”
“I’m bored what should we do?”
“IDK why am I supposed to always think of things.”
“IDK, fuck you!”
“Fuck you.”
“Literally never.”
“LOL.”
“Braid my hair.”
“Miley you know I don’t know how to braid.”
“Ohhhhh yeah you probably wouldn’t because you have none, LOL.”
[Silence.]
“Miley.”
“What, you have weird hair, what.”
“I can’t believe you fucking just said that to me right now.”
“Well believe it, Jeremy. What’re you gonna do start crying, LOL.”
[Starts crying] “Fuck you, actually, Miley.”
“LOL what did I say earlier.”
[Under his breath] “Fuck.”
“Anyway, Weepy Two Shoes or whatever, you wanna go get some food?”
[Wipes tears away, pulls self together] “Ugh, I guess.”
“What do you want, sushi, LOLOLOL.”
Jeremy gets up all dramatic like he’s going to leave, but then whirls back around and points his finger at Miley. “Oh my GOD, Miley, honestly what is actually wrong with you!? You’re such a bitch sometimes. Because you KNOW I don’t talk about that, and it’s NOT FUNNY. Seriously Miley I almost died and I had to not do a play because of it.”
“Haha a play.”
“Plays are SERIOUS, Miley. Plays are ART, not some fucking show about a girl or whatever shit you make with Hannah Whatever her name is.”
“LOL you know what her last name is.”
“No, what is it, like … ALABAMA or something? I don’t even care.”
“Yeah, it’s Alabama. My show Hannah Alabama, you hate it, it’s the shittiest, it’s not art like you craft.”
“It ISN’T. It isn’t. Fuck you Miley, I AM an artist.”
“Oh, totally. Who can ever get enough Piven, you know? Jeremy will you act something for me right now?”
“You’re such a bitch.”
“Act me a scene from your show, what’s it called, Group of Guys? Act me a scene from that.”