Deep Conditioning: Put a Bag on Your Head

Ladies, is your hair totally fucked right now? Mine isn’t because I’m doing all this stuff I’m going to tell you to do.

Buy a tub of some L’Oreal deep conditioner. They make a few and one, Everpure, works well and smells nicely like rosemary and mint (which is also faux-Aveda-scented). It costs about $9. Did you know Kerastase, the like $80 deep conditioner everyone tells you to get, is also made by L’Oreal? Pshhh. Don’t bother; I’ve never been able to tell the difference. The only time I think “WHOA, now this is what I’m talking about!” is at the salon. So, if you’re super-dry and damaged (a.k.a. colored or highlighted all to hell) then just go get a deep condition at the salon. It’ll cost you half what Kerastase does and feel 100 times better.

Here’s what you do.

Pretend you’re a cosmetologist, and give yourself a serious at-home deep-conditioning treatment. All you need is the conditioner and a shower cap (or saran wrap or even a plastic grocery bag). Wash your hair and towel dry really well. Slather on the conditioner like crazy, especially at the ends. (I have shoulder-length hair and probably use like 1/4 of the tub when I do this, less for weekly touchups following the directions on the tub.) Whenever I stay at hotels I take home the shower caps for exactly this purpose, so for me I put tons of conditioner on, twist my hair up and clip it on top of my head, and then cover with a shower cap. Then I go watch a half-hour show on the Food Network, and when it’s over I hop back in the shower and rinse it all out. Do NOT blow dry your hair on this day, just give it a break and let it air-dry if you can possibly stand to.

As for styling products that help with the crazy static and frizzy dryness by making your hair appear and kind of feel a little moister, I suggest getting either Bumble & Bumble Brilliantine or Rusk Shining. (I use both interchangeably and occasionally together.) Work with them according to the directions on the packaging, making sure to not get anywhere near your roots or you will look like a greasy stoner. Now whip your hair back and forth.

[Editor’s note: As always, no one is paying Jane to say any of these things.]

Previously: Reasons You Need a Winter Pedicure.

Jane Feltes is a VERY CLASSY LADY and produces the radio program “This American Life.” She can be seen regularly on stage at The Talent Show in Brooklyn and also blogs about cooking awesome meals for that special someone — herself — at ReadyMade