Who Are You, Latisse?

Uh oh. Trouble in Latisse-land! Rumor has it that Claire Danes — Emmy-winning spokeswoman for freaky Latisse, the serum whose only function is to make your eyelashes grow a tiny bit longer — is having trouble with her eye skin:

a source claims that Danes’ makeup artist has to plaster on concealer to cover the purplish and yellowish shade. “It is hard to cover it up,” the source said.

Crushing. But also, Latisse? “Yeah, I dunno, a mysterious new chemical? What could possibly go wrong; let me put that right directly into my eyes.”

I picture Latisse — or, the human embodiment of Latisse — as like a mix of Maleficent and the witch who poisoned Snow White. All cold and glamorous, slinking around, offering you her apple very casually. “Oh this apple? I’ve got too many at home, you should totally go ahead.” And you feel kind of uncomfortable because you barely know her, but whatever, so you take a bite, and then another, and then all of a sudden everything goes black, but you can hear Latisse laughing, so you’re like “Latisse! Help me!!” but she’s like, “You shut the fuck up!” And then something terrible happens, like she steals your baby!

Anyway, don’t do Latisse! Latisse, you jerk.

P.S. Did you know Claire Danes has a Latisse Blog?