The “Winter Boyfriend”

Marie Claire’s Maura Kelly asks, “Should You Lock in a Winter Boyfriend?” and I don’t even want to know what she’s talking about because YES. Lock him IN. Lock, lock, lock. Who’s there? “My winter boyfriend!” … is what you’ll say when someone asks who it is you keep trapped inside your room. Ahh, anyway.

What does your winter boyfriend eat? Candy and trail mix. Where does your winter boyfriend sleep? On a little pallet made of hay. What does your winter boyfriend do all day? He sleeps, or he takes short walks around your house. What is your winter boyfriend’s name? Jib. How tall is your winter boyfriend? Four feet. Where does your winter boyfriend go to the bathroom? That’s between you and your winter boyfriend to figure out. A lot of them don’t need to go to the bathroom at all, but they can’t genetically predict or breed for that, yet. How long will your winter boyfriend live? With proper care, about 70 days. Some winter boyfriends have been known to live for as long as 100 days, and one winter boyfriend escaped from his owner at around day 60 and was spotted months later living under a bench, but he was extremely sick.