And the Color of 2011 Is …

The “color authority” company Pantone is preparing to announce (also, preparing?) that the color of the year for 2011 will be honeysuckle, a “sherbety shade of pink, with a hint of red and orange zest.” What does it mean? It means things are going to be made in this color with the hope that you will buy them. “We … want [people] to stop and say, ‘Oh, neat color. Maybe I need to buy those plates,” says a Pantone “color psychologist.”

“Oh, neat color. Maybe I need to buy those plates.”

“Janet, we have so many plates.”

“But look at the color.”

“I am looking at the color, it’s like a pink or whatever, and we have pink plates.”

“No we don’t.”

“Yes, we do.”

“Well they’re not this kind of pink. Can’t you SEE this?!”

“I can see. Please, let’s go.”

“I need the plates.” [Crying lightly.]

“Janet, please don’t cry.”

“Well please get me the plates.”

“I’m not getting you the plates.”

“Why does everything always have to be SO HORRIBLE!?!”

“Can we just — “

“NO! No. We can’t just do anything. Sometimes I just NEED things because I LIKE them. And I LIKE the color of these PLATES. Please, Jesus CHRIST if you have a speck of brain inside your head, like a fingernail’s amount of BRAIN in your brain you would SEE what these plates are SAYING. They’re like HAPPY yet not so happy it’s like a fake happiness, it’s like … warm but not zing-y, but also they are kind of zing-y, I guess, but in a good way, and can you even imagine if you woke up and put your food on a plate like this!? Can you imagine what kind of DAY you would have?!? What kind of LIFE YOU WOULD LEAD!? I shouldn’t get mad, because it’s just that I’m the kind of person who can actually see this kind of thing. Who can understand the beauty of the mundane, the poetry of the prosaic, and you’re not really, which is totally fine, you’ve got your own things that you do, or whatever. But like this is just something I understand. Something for ME, for once.”

“Do you want the plates for Christmas?”

“Christmas JUST HAPPENED, oh my god, listen to yourself.”

“I meant for next Christmas.”

“I’ll probably be DEAD by then.”

“Ugh, no you won’t.”

“I swear to god I’ll be dead by then, no matter what.”