The Internet Shopping Bracket

by Emma Barker

The great thing about online shopping is that it’s like regular shopping, but without shame. The not-great thing about online shopping is that the Internet = everything, which is overwhelming. And then also the money thing. But! With the Hairpin’s Official Internet Shopping Bracket you can now enjoy the endorphin rush of commercialism without the guilt/crippling debt that comes with a shopping addiction, plus an NCAA basketball-style organizational system. (There’s even a downloadable PDF.)

Here’s how it works: Open a tab for every online shop you like. Go through each tab and put everything you like even a little bit into your virtual cart — no commitment to purchase is necessary.

Then force yourself to choose between things, over and over for hours, until it’s all the way down to just two items, at which point I usually spend a few minutes mumbling pros and cons before closing the window altogether and basking in a deep sense of relief. And voila! You now have all the endorphins of a full-fledged shopping trip without having spent a dime.

Emma Barker is a writer and diagram artist living in Brooklyn. Pro: She wrote this. Con: There is no con.