Search for Noah’s Ark Definitely Futile, Possibly Fatal

by Liz Colville

A man on an expedition to find the fictional — fictional, my man — Noah’s Ark has been missing since September 20. Donald Mackenzie, who hails from Scotland, has gone to the boat’s alleged landing spot of Mount Ararat, Armenia several times, and this time was inspired by a recent and undoubtedly fake claim by a Chinese and Turkish expedition that they’d found the remains of the boat, which you would think would be a great time to enforce “pics or it didn’t happen,” but no one bothered to. This is just really freaking sad (plus: crazy), but the man’s mother is holding out hope that he’s still alive.